Jokes

Dear God, my prayer for 2022 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body.

Please don't mix it up like you did this year.

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing.

As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

I hear someone has invented an invisible airplane.

I can't see it taking off.

What is furry and peeking out of your pajamas at night

Your head

Hair on the top and hair on the bottom, in the middle a wet slit, what is it?

The eye.

What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion?

It’s not what it looks like!

A naked man broke into a church.

The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

Just in the pub with my mates & these 4 big bastards started getting aggressive & having a go. My mate said, just pretend we’re police & they’ll leave us alone. I barely got half way through Roxanne before I felt the first punch.

I've been found guilty of not using full stops.
The judge says that I can expect a long sentence.

In the taxi and the driver says;
"I love being my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do. "
Me ; " Turn left here."