Jokes

A cowboy is riding across the plain one day, when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth.

Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief whatcha doin there."

The chief in broken english says "Ugg, buffalo come."

The cowboy says "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?"

The Chief reply's "Ear sticky."

A wife told her man to leave after finding out that he had a one night stand with another woman.

"I want you to go!" she screamed.

He said, "Please can we just talk about this first?"

"Go on, I'm listening." she replied.

He sat down and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."

A funeral procession made its way down the road.

Six close members of the family were carrying the Coffin between them.

On top of the coffin was a fishing line, a net, and some bait.

A passer-by remarked: "He must've been a very keen fisherman."

"Oh, he still is," remarked one of the mourners.

"He's off to the river as soon as we bury his wife."

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.

We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.

As a young boy I was concerned with the Earth, how we were damaging it with pollution. I was worried for the welfare for all the endangered species, how we were eradicating whole species with every skyscraper we built or every gas-guzzling car that was made. I feared for poor, underprivileged children in far away countries that didn't have clean water and were dying of horrible diseases.

Then I discovered wanking.

Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians.
It's called Trycoxagain.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them: they said it would be just like winning the Lotto. I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

What do Vegans eat after a heavy night out?
I just can not imagine sitting in a Cab on the way home and thinking, "I could fucking demolish a Cabbage right now!"

Why do French people eat snails?

They don't like fast food!