Jokes

When one door closes, another one opens..

Other than that, it's a pretty good car.

What do you call a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny on top of a fanny?

A block of flaps!

Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf..

I haven’t heard from him since.

Doctor: Well, it looks like you're pregnant.

Woman: Oh my! I'm pregnant?

Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.

Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer.

The lawyer tells him "Mickey I'm sorry, but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy"

Mickey says "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was f**king Goofy"

So, Adam was in the Garden of Eden having a chat with the Lord. He was complaining about those stray "urges" he was experiencing and how there was no one to help him deal with them.

"OK", replied the Lord. "I'll take care of this. I will create Woman for you. She will cook, clean and keep house for you without complaint. She will bear and care for your children without complaint. She will be forthright, direct, and never expect you to know and understand her feelings without stating them to you directly. And she will deal with those "urges" in any way you request, no matter how strange or bizarre, at any time of the day or night, without complaint."

Adam thought this over. "Sounds good", he said, "but how much is this going to cost me?"

The Lord replied : "An arm and a leg."

Adam considered this for a long while, and then said: "Um...what can I get for a rib?"