Jokes

I had a dream last night that I had a Magnesium deficiency..

I was like 0mg.

They told me it was foolish to fill the room with nitrous oxide...

Well, who's laughing now.

A foolish man gives his wife a grand piano...

... A wise man gives his wife an upright organ.

A group of friends decided to experiment with growing weed one day.

It proved to be a success and they were very proud of their work.

However, one member of the group decided to take all the credit for himself.

This was foolish as it was obviously a joint effort...

He who stands with hands in pockets feels foolish

He who stands with holes in pockets feels nuts

My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation."

That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

A kid asks his mother why she has so many grey hairs..

The mother says "It's because you are so naughty."

The kid replies "Well, you must have been a right twat; have you seen grandma?!"

A woman is bathing her 7 year old son, the kid looks at his wrinkled ballsack and asks..

Mom, is this my brain?

The mother replies: not yet son, not yet..

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a £10 note and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys looked at each other then gave the £10 note to the teacher.

Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the country club.

"We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Smith.

"Oh my," said Mrs. Jones, "I'd better not go."