Jokes

Today I made an unexpected visit to the spring museum

The place just jumped out at me

Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was.

She shouted fuck you!

So I'm pretty excited for this year!

I quit my new job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”

My son came home very excited the other day.

“Dad, I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen award at school today!”

“What’s that?”, I asked.

“A big building with lots of teachers and kids. But that’s not important right now.”

A man is alone in an airport lounge.
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto : 'To Fly. To Serve'?
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Singapore Airlines motto: 'Winning the hearts of the world'?
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Emirates motto: 'Going beyond expectations'?
The woman looks at him sternly and says:
'What the fuck do you want, dickhead??'
'Aha!' he says, "Ryanair"