Jokes

A group of cowboys were out on the range branding some cattle. While they were away the new cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that night's dinner he slaughtered the sheep, and cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked," Did I screw up the cooking" "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, ‘Yes, who did you think it was

I accidentally filled the Escort with diesel.

She died

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law.

My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?'

I said ‘No, six should be enough.'

Marsha completed four weeks of dental restoration with Dr. Morris Cohen the dentist. She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in love with her dentist, and she was going to propose to him. Her friend said, "Marsha you're 34 years old, you're beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you. Why this dentist?" "Because he is the First man that ever said to me, "Spit. Don't Swallow."

A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave his gorgeous, sexy blonde wife alone. The night before he left, he brought home a vibrator and gave it to her.

"What's this for?" she asked.

"It's for those lonely nights when you miss me," explained her husband, winking. "Just think of it as something to take my place when you get horny."

A week later, hubby returns home, and finds the vibrator in the garbage.

"Honey," he says, "why did you throw it away? I told you, you should use it in my place when I'm gone."

"I did," she said. "But the damned thing rattled my teeth's fillings loose."

A woman walking past a shop sees an advert in the window.
"Good home wanted for clitoris licking frog."

She goes inside and says to the guy behind the counter, "I've come about the clitoris licking frog."

"Oui madame," the assistant says.

This guy in a bar keeps hitting on an a lesbian who is waiting for her date.

He just won't take no for an answer.

The lesbian smirks and says.

"Tell you what, I'll sleep with you if you can name one thing a man can do for me that my vibrator can't!"

This guy thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, let's see your vibrator buy the next round of drinks!"

A guy comes home all excited. "Honey, I've discovered a new position we can try to spice up our sex life!"

The wife asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies, "Back to back."

The woman thinks for a moment and says, "That's impossible. It can't be done."

The husband says, "Sure it can. And I've persuaded another couple to help us."