Jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili?

I guess he liked seasoned professionals.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?


They don’t have balls to scratch.

Random lady at a local store: “You’re supposed to be wearing a mask.” Me: “I’m supposed to be wearing underwear too, yet here we are.”

Why did the farmer win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

What do cows most like to read?

Cattle-logs.

What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories?

Leave the pizza in the oven.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing. It just waved.

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

A boy asks his dad, how many different types of boobs are there ?

The dad replies, in her 20's a women's boobs are like apples, firm & juicy.

In her 30's & 40's they are like pears, still firm but hanging a bit.

In her 50's they are more like onions though, they just make you want to cry.

The boy's sister then asks the mother how many different types of Willies are there ?

Well, said the mother, in his 20's a man's willie is like an oak, firm & strong

In his 30's & 40's it's like a willow, still firm but a little bendy.

In his 50's though, it's more like a Christmas tree, dead from the root up & and the balls are only there for decoration.