Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Urine!
Urine Who?
Urine secure, don't know what for.

Q: Which football team uses the most toilet paper? A: Arsenal.

Q: Why are the dirty kids so good at football? A: Because they are Messi.

Two Trees and a Woodpecker

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here
is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree
begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son
of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just
then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is
a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a
son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I
have ever poked my pecker into.

What is management's problem with me looking at porn on the Internet while I'm at my desk? It's not like I don't clean up after myself.

I asked my partner if I was the only one, she’s/he’s been with.

She/he said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club.

Thank you all for coming.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

Having sex in an elevator is wrong.

On so many levels.

Whats long and hard and has cum in it?

A cucumber