Jokes

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex.

Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’

He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”

Want to hear a joke about my penis?

Nevermind. It’s too long.

I just found an origami porn channel

Trouble is it's paper view only.

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.


She said, "Depends what's in it for me."

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra.
The mom asks, "Why on earth do you need that?"
The little boy replies, "isn't that what you give dad when HIS shit won't get hard?!!"

I think I might be getting laid tonight.


Rose petals on the bed, romantic music in the background.


But what's really giving it away is the way my naked cell-mate is winking
at me while he's slowly stroking his large erection.

Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!!

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

'One day we should get her for this,' said the first boy.'

I agree. We'll grab her...' said the second.

'Yeah,' said the third. 'And then we'll kick her in the nuts!'

A woman was in hospital.


"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.


"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica
in my vagina."


The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my
dear, they're the sticker's off bananas"