Jokes

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam.

He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.

One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

You heard the rumor going around about butter?

Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it.

I gave all my dead batteries away today... Free of charge.

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."

One day a boy comes home from school and says, "Dad I need to know the meaning of hypothetically and realistically for school."

So the father replies, "go ask your mother if she would sleep with a man for 1 million dollars." so the little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes.

Hhis dad says ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a man for a million dollars. so he does and sure enough she says yes.

So the father says, you see son hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million dollars but realistically we are living with a couple of whores."

If you refuse to fly due to fear over the probability that there will be a bomb on your plane, rethink your tactics...

Take a bomb with you. The probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low.

Every so often the true meaning of a biblical prophesy becomes obvious and relevant to our age. This is true of the recent legalization of gay marriages and marijuana in the state of Washington. Leviticus 20:13: "If a man lays with another man, he should be stoned."

Today local police found an unidentified man's body in a park nearby. They describe him as having a beer belly, saggy balls, wrinkly ass, and a small wiener. Please, let me know if you're OK.

Your Concerned Friend