Jokes

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?

Because it was cultured.

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time

Some workplace nicknames....

"Daisy" = Some daisies in, some daisies not.
"Lantern" = Not very bright, and needs to be carried.
"Deckchair" = Folds under pressure.
"Security Light" = Only works when someone walks past
"Coleslaw" = Mostly cabbage.
"E.T"= Always phoning home.
"Kitkat" = Always taking a break.
"Elvis" = Always first to leave the building.
"Thrush"= An irritating c*nt.
And my personal favourite...
"The Count"= No, not because he looks like Dracula, the "o" is silent.....

I didn’t believe orthopedic shoes could help, but here I am, standing corrected.

Two Wi-Fi engineers tied the knot and the reception was unbelievable.

What do you call a snake in a hard hat?

A boa constructor.

What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?

No ballroom.

t was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were sleeping when suddenly the phone rang.

The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? (paused for a few seconds) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?"
and slams the phone down.

His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear tonight."

I used to teach origami, but I quit.

Couldn’t handle all the paperwork.

How much do rainbows weigh?

Not much. They’re actually pretty light.