29-07-2009, 15:20
(Reposted after reading too many text speak threads)
R U FLOO’NT IN TWATEEZ?
If you’re not, a translation would be – Are you fluent in Twatese?
Yes, ‘Twatese’ the new progressive language of the street that some of you might know as ‘txt talk’. This particular evolution of the English language is a 21st century phenomena where the disenfranchised dictate the rules of spelling and grammar - unlike in days of yor when language would be handed down by the educated and wise. But Tawtese has been honed to perfection both on the street and in the gutter by an unholy trinity of divs, mongs and chav birds (OMG!) before being handed up to a grateful, and until now, grammatically oppressed citizenry. How did we ever manage without it, eh?
The great thing about Twatese is that any1 (‘any1’…get it? ANYONE!...Am I cool, or wot?) can talk Twat. U don’t have 2 waste no time goin' to those elitist ‘skools’ or nufin’ an if u reely want 1 of those silly A level passes just txt ur local skool an they will send u 1 bi return. (Excuse my pathetic, elitist, attempts to talk Twat – I’m not worthy.)
I’ve heard a rumour that at their next conference the NUT are going to recommend scraping all elitist language lessons (like English, for instance) in favour of Twatese, the democratic and progressive language of the street. In fact, I’ve also heard that they are planning a series of ‘Twat workshops’ and even ‘gang nights’ in Brixton and Moss Side for their members to get on street experience of talking Twat with native Twat speakers (stab proof vests will be available on the night). Alternatively, online home study courses will be made available to less adventurous NUT members where they can peruse Twat forums and message boards to see how Twat talkers interact - which will be invaluable in helping them get to grips with the subtle nuances of talking Twat. One valuable online resource will be the celebrated ‘chavscum’ website, whose ‘The Things They Say’ section is a goldmine of Twatish title tackle and passionate pleading. Just seeing how disgruntled chavs berate the website proprietors for taking the Mick is an education in itself.
So, bin your Byron and shit on your Shakespeare. Start talkin’ Twat, innit? TTFN.
R U FLOO’NT IN TWATEEZ?
If you’re not, a translation would be – Are you fluent in Twatese?
Yes, ‘Twatese’ the new progressive language of the street that some of you might know as ‘txt talk’. This particular evolution of the English language is a 21st century phenomena where the disenfranchised dictate the rules of spelling and grammar - unlike in days of yor when language would be handed down by the educated and wise. But Tawtese has been honed to perfection both on the street and in the gutter by an unholy trinity of divs, mongs and chav birds (OMG!) before being handed up to a grateful, and until now, grammatically oppressed citizenry. How did we ever manage without it, eh?
The great thing about Twatese is that any1 (‘any1’…get it? ANYONE!...Am I cool, or wot?) can talk Twat. U don’t have 2 waste no time goin' to those elitist ‘skools’ or nufin’ an if u reely want 1 of those silly A level passes just txt ur local skool an they will send u 1 bi return. (Excuse my pathetic, elitist, attempts to talk Twat – I’m not worthy.)
I’ve heard a rumour that at their next conference the NUT are going to recommend scraping all elitist language lessons (like English, for instance) in favour of Twatese, the democratic and progressive language of the street. In fact, I’ve also heard that they are planning a series of ‘Twat workshops’ and even ‘gang nights’ in Brixton and Moss Side for their members to get on street experience of talking Twat with native Twat speakers (stab proof vests will be available on the night). Alternatively, online home study courses will be made available to less adventurous NUT members where they can peruse Twat forums and message boards to see how Twat talkers interact - which will be invaluable in helping them get to grips with the subtle nuances of talking Twat. One valuable online resource will be the celebrated ‘chavscum’ website, whose ‘The Things They Say’ section is a goldmine of Twatish title tackle and passionate pleading. Just seeing how disgruntled chavs berate the website proprietors for taking the Mick is an education in itself.
So, bin your Byron and shit on your Shakespeare. Start talkin’ Twat, innit? TTFN.
