That embarrassing moment when.........

Someone walks in on you loudly castigating the spider who lives behind the electricity meter, while pointing at a fly buzzing round the kitchen.

When you been chatting up a hot girl at the local bar for the last half an hour and realise you had your flies down the whole time.

When you are dying to let rip with a fart in the lift but you have company. Therefore you stoically hold it in till they get out. As soon as they get out and are out of earshot, you let rip with a beauty. Inevitably there is an instant pong and of course next floor a beautiful women you are on first name terms with enters.

(09-07-2015 10:46 )setter1000 Wrote:  When you are dying to let rip with a fart in the lift but you have company. Therefore you stoically hold it in till they get out. As soon as they get out and are out of earshot, you let rip with a beauty. Inevitably there is an instant pong and of course next floor a beautiful women you are on first name terms with enters.

Many, many years ago I worked for a youth organisation and part of my role was to go around schools talking to the sixth-formers about getting involved with volunteering.

Well, this one morning I had to go to a girls school which was run by nuns (I swear I'm not making this up!), but the night before I had had not just a skinful, but a magnificent king prawn madras, mushroom rice, keema nan, onion bhajees and popadoms.

Despite having pebbledashed the bog twice before setting off my innards were still decidedly gassy when I got to the school. The talk went fine but towards the end I could feel the tide approaching the beach so was glad to get to the end and beat a hasty retreat, only to be buttonholed by the sixth-form tutor (in nun's habit) about some forthcoming function.

So there I am, talking to this nun with my bum-cheeks clenched to the maximum when at that moment the sultriest looking 17/18 year old you've ever seen comes out of the changing room for gym in the tightest possible top and skimpiest shorts......

I'm sure I detected a hint of schadenfreude on the nun's face as I desperately tried not to look at the girl and concentrate on what she was saying and had a decidely religious experience as I fervently prayed "please don't let me fart......or worse"!!

Few years ago now, went into a supermarket toilet, one of those ones that seem to have an echo. There was this long fart, seemed to go on for about 30 seconds, then this female voce said "Oh, i will never eat cheese again" you guessed it, beat a hasty retreat, wrong toilets