American Dad, Not Particularly Desperate Housewives, Season 2, Episode 2

Bullock: Smith, I have a mission for you, the most exciting mission of your career.
Stan: Sorry, sir, it wouldn't be responsible to take risks now that I have someone who depends on me.
Bullock: Your family?
Stan: Sure, sure, send them.

Robocop - gas station scene

EDIT - Porky's (1982)

[While in Deadbeats, a local diner]

Billy: [after seeing some cops come their way] Oh, shit. Uh... Pee Wee, would you get me some sugar from the end of the counter?
Cop 1: [approaching the teens] That boy been drinkin'?
Billy: [looks up at the cops, while trying to hold a very drunk Meat by the neck] No, sir, Officer. Our friend is a diabetic.
[The two cops exchange a look, unconvinced]
Billy: Thank you, Edward, for bringing Anthony some sugar.
Tommy: How may cubes of sugar does your cousin require when he's had too much insulin?
[Billy gives Tommy a look]
Billy: Two.... cubes of sugar usually is enough to bring Anthony round.
[Billy tries putting a few cubes in Meat's mouth; Meat then process to spit out both sugar cubes, with one hitting the cheek of the first cop and another hitting another customer at the opposite end of the bar, a drunk Meat then slumps face down in his bowl of chilli.]
Cop 1: [after removing bits of chilli from his face] Gee, uh... I've never seen nobody drown in a bowl of chilli before.
Cop 2: Me neither. I wouldn't even know how to fill out the forms on that.
Cop 1: Yeah, your right. It would be a lotta hassle. I guess we'd better save him.
Cop 2: Yeah, I guess we'd better.
[Cop 2 holds up a very drunk Meat by the back of his head]
Cop 2: You know, I'm no doctor, but I could swear this youngster's inebriated.
[Billy, Tommy, Pee Wee and various others deny the claim that Meat is drunk]
Cop 1: Well, now, if you guys say he's a diabetic, OK. But if we find out he's drunk. we're gonna book the whole lot of you as acccessories.


Sheriff Wallace: Why don't you stick it up your.... [Porky covers his mouth]
Porky: Promise him! For chrissakes, promise him!
Sheriff Wallace: [after removing Porky's hand, very pissed] I promised to shove my foot up his....
Porky: [covers Sheriff Wallace mouth again] Promise him! Promise him, you asshole, [points] or you'll be back shovellin' pigshit!
[Sheriff Wallace moves Porky's hand away again, spits, looks away]
Sheriff Wallace: [under his breath, very quietly] I promise.
Sheriff Ted Jarvis: [leaning in] What that, I can't hear you, Sheriff.
Sheriff Wallace: [turn back, very pissed] I said I promise, you motherf....[Porky covers his mouth once more, Sheriff Wallace removes Porky hand] I promise.

Armageddon

Steve Buscemi hilarity as Rockhound.

[You motorboatin' son of a bitch]

Love It