IT'S TIME FOR CHANGE,VOTE B'STARD
My Policies on.......
Immigration
With the current governments open-door policy,allowing anyone to come to our fair isle and take up residence without checking individuals for criminal records,giving them means tests or investigating any terrorist associations.I feel a new approach is needed in dealing with this blight on our heritage,so i propose the following,
- Rental Visas,for an unbelievably reasonable TWO Thousand pounds a month an immigrant can rent a Visa for a period not exceeding twelve months.A one off registration payment of TEN Thousand pounds must be made payable to Commitee Against Separate Homelands or C.A.S.H for short.
- Any woman that meets the strict selection guidelines,will automatically be granted citizenship.They are as follows,you must be between the age of 14-24,you must be between a size zero and a size six,you must have natural breasts nothing less than a c-cup will do,you must experienced in multiple techniques and you must be willing to be vetted by yours truly.
- In a compassionate move,anybody not complying with the rental visa scheme will be offered free housing in a one of several new camps being built in The Shetland Isles,these camps are state of the art facilities,the designs based on the German holiday camps of the 1940's.
Healthcare
The N.H.S will be abolished.I see no need for a FREE healthcare service when a perfectly good private healthcare option is available,i myself belong to BUPA and it's a bit unreasonable that the hard working person such as i,has to support the work-shy element of society,whilst they walk around polluting the air with their noxious coughing and spluttering they could quite easily give up their 'booze and fags' and pay for treatment.
Housing
See above,with the new healthcare policy the average age expectancy will be drastically reduced,resulting in houses becoming vacant at a rate not seen since the black death.
Economy
The Bank of England will be relocated to Switzerland,to avoid paying contributions to the corrupt coffers of the EU.The bank will be renamed The A.B.Bank of Zurich and the new Governess of The Bank will be Ms.Sarah B'Stard,who will take control of the country's economy by taking a hands-on role in the country's spending.
Afghanistan
I would advocate the immediate withdrawal of our boys from a non-profitable place like that,what were we thinking going in there!! Instead i would bring about the re-establishment of The British Empire,my first target would be Australia,all that vast out-back,there must be oil out there somewhere.
Europe
Immediate withdrawal from the EU,i mean it's gone downhill since they let the Polish in.It used to be a great laugh,us and the Italians thinking of numerous ways of annoying the French and selling the Germans Bratwurst mountain to former Yugoslav republics.Now thanks to the Poles undercutting the market,it's got so a guy can't make a profit anymore.
Education
I take a special interest in the education of the countries young gir...er i mean children,why i myself have been known to take a very active role in the future of the students,whether it be by employing them at my numerous fast food outlets or by taking a hands on approach,by educating female grad students in the ways of ensuring a sucessfull job interview with millionaire buisnessmen.Let's not forget the children are our future,so by exploiting them now it makes it much easier in the future.
Green Issues
Re-cycling is so important to me,i've just opened a brand new plant in Wales,so the more we re-cycle the better.
I plan to introduce massive tax breaks and introduce financial incentives for the owners of re-cycling plants too encourage people to GO GREEN.
DON'T THINK HARD,VOTE FOR A.B'STARD