Jokes

Relevant to some forum members maybe lol!

A bloke goes to his doctor because his penis is bright orange.The doctor is a bit flummoxed! He asks if the patient has a family history of this complaint. 'No!' replies the man.'Do you work with chemicals?' asks the doctor.'No!' says the man, 'I am unemployed'.'Right!' says the doctor.' What do you do all day then?' 'Oh,nothing much,just watch porn and eat Wotsits!'

Dreamlander

While making love, Fred says to his wife,
- Darling, let's do a 68!
- 68? What's that?
- You do it to me and I'll owe you one!

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Why do midgets laugh while they play football?
Because the grass tickles their balls!

How do you make a harvey wallbanger ?
...Rearrange the furnature in Jordans house!

A chap is out walking his dog and bumps into an old friend he has'nt seen for years, after chatting about the good old times they decide to go for a pint and continue the chat, in here will do said the man with the dog and in they went, "2pints of lager please landlord" sorry sais the landlord, i can serve your friend but i cant serve you, why not he asked, well said the landlord we have a strict no dogs allowed rule in here, thinking quickly he replied " but this is my guide dog" bollocks said the landlord, every guide dog i have ever seen is either an alsatian or a labrador, "well what the fuck have they give me" he replied.........

sex has gone downhill,so i bought the wife a dildo she said "its looks like a giant carrot" which is ironic as her fanny looks like a donkey yawning.


Father O'Connor keep chickens behind the church in a coop. One sunday he goes to feed them and notices the cock is missing. He knows there's a cock fighting in the village so at mass he questions the congregation. "Has anybody got a cock?, and all the men stand up. "No I meant has anybody seen a cock", and all the women stand up. "No no has anybody seen my cock", 16 alter boys, 2 priests and a goat stand up!!!!!


Little boy sees his mum in the bath. 'hey mum, what's that' he says looking at her hairy bush. 'oh, erm... thats where you're dad hit me with an axe' says mum. Son replies, 'that was a good shot, got you right in the cunt'!

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman in a playground

Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
A: The hotdogs all taste like shit!

[OVERLY OFFENSIVE JOKE REMOVED]

bit to quick on the jacko jokes dont ya think lol